Married with Children

"Dear Candice, I was told that you should not get married if you and your partner are not planning to have kids. I thought marriage is there to help get your partner to heaven."


In Candice's words:
I love that you said that "marriage is there to help get your partner to heaven." That's absolutely right! Our Vocation that we choose, whether marriage, the priesthood, or religious life, is all about our pathway to heaven!  Should our pathway to heaven be through the Vocation of Marriage, children are an intregral part of that, and to understand why - we really have to first understand marriage.


A marriage can and should be about more than just you and your spouse and how he or she makes you feel.  Marriage in the Church is a Sacrament.  In other words...the couple themselves become an outward sign of who God is (Love) to the world. 


In marriage, you and your spouse (and any children you do have) are even considered the "Domestic Church:" a title that really helps me remember what marriage and family is all about. We should be centered on Christ, we should be a community that prays and worships together, we should go out and do good works, and our love and faith should bear fruit in the world! 


At my own wedding, my husband and I were asked to state our intentions by answering these 3 questions asked to each couple who marry in the Church.  Basically, these 3 "yesses" that we gave summed up our very reason for approaching the altar and how we can be a sign of who God is to the world around  us.


"Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?" 
Freely and without reservation is how God loves us.  Love cannot truly be love if it is not freely given.


"Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?"
This may sound simple...but by my own yes to this question at my wedding, I was stating that I intend to CHOOSE to honor and love my husband (do what is best for him) every day....even when that decision is very difficult to make.  Many days, that decision is going to take some sacrifice - big or small, on my part.  With God, whether our relationship with Him is good or bad has no bearing on the fact that He loves us without fail each and every day of our lives.  And to think of Sacrifice...God made the ultimate Sacrifice because of His love for us.


"Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and His Church?"
 Notice that this doesn't say that we must try to have as many children as we can.  What the Church does say, though, is that children are the fruit of a marriage....and that parents should be open to "bearing fruit." It makes a lot of sense to me - when I think about love, it's hard for me to imagine a love that doesn't produce "fruit" somehow. Where love exists, fruit is blossoming: friendships, support, faith, fun, caring, giving...in general, with love the world is being made a better place!  This to me is the most amazing way that we are a sign of who God is to the world.  God IS love...and Love is CREATIVE.  God willing, if we are open to accept the gift of children, we can participate in God's work of creation!  What a cool miracle!  And what an amazing reflection of God!  As I've heard one theologian say, as the love between God and Son is so profound that it is another person of the Trinity (the Holy Spirt)....the love between husband and wife can be so profound, that God-willing, 9 months later you give it a name.


So basically, if you do love someone enough to want to be joined together in marriage, you can't sell that union short by not being open to ALL of its potential.  We should strive in our lives to be like Mary and her "yes." She didn't have all the details on how it was all going to work out...but she said yes anyway, and allowed God to work through her. What amazing fruit was born of that openess!


So my personal advice?  "Eat, Drink, and Be like Mary!"

Want to go deeper?
Learn more about "Theology of the Body"